I'm scared. So much so I've only gotten about four hours of sleep the last few nights. Why you ask?
I'm having tests ran this week to "rule out" multiple sclerosis. And herniated discs in my back, but if that comes back positive, I can deal with that. What's one more surgical scar and more physical therapy? LOL Surgery, schmurgery, I say these days.
Multiple Sclerosis, however, just seems much more scary. I mean, (and it may sound completely asinine, but hell, these are my fears I'm pouring out here...) they have benefit walks for MS. You know, kinda like they do for breast cancer and heart disease... and other scary diseases for which there is no cure at the moment. Fibromyalgia on the other hand, which has a lot of the same symptoms as MS, just none of the actual degeneration of one's nervous system, usually just gets swept under the proverbial rug...
How did this all come up?? Well, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia by my PCP and a rheumatologist in 2009 after I had my "little fender-bender..." I was having days where I just literally could not get out of bed. I remember the first episode I had was in May, about a month or so after I got out of the hospital. D and I had went to his grandma's house in Illinois. I was just soooooooo tired. Even a venti starbucks white mocha frap couldn't wake me up. I ended up sleeping most of the time we were there to visit. And I hurt, oh god did I hurt. It wasn't just my arm this time, it was my whole body. Then there were the times when I couldn't sleep, no matter how tired.... and no matter how much medicine I took to make me tired... I was. After about a month of all this happening off and on, I went to my doctor thinking he'd tell me this was just normal for someone who'd flipped a car end over end and side over side at 70 mph, and that it'd go away eventually. Well that's not what he told me, he said the dreaded F word... Fibro. A rheumatologist looked me over and concurred with my PCP's diagnosis.
So I've dealt with the pain (sometimes mild, sometimes searing, always present), the fatigue, the exhaustion, and the sometimes foggy brain for a couple of years now. I've had many battles with the Fibro Insomnia Monster, as I call "him" (and I seem to be losing a battle with him right now...) In the last several months, I have noticed more little things happening to me... I fumble my words when I speak a lot more than I used to. I drop things all of the time with my right hand... You know, the one that DIDN'T get mashed in the accident. I open more jars with my bad left hand and arm than I do my right now. I've also developed muscle spasms. They started out just being at night when I first laid down for bed, and mostly in my legs... kind of like a restless leg syndrome deal. Nowadays, they happen pretty much all day and to my whole body. They can be accompanied by pain, or they can be completely benign.
Then, I would say a month and a half ago, I had something really weird happen to me... I was lying in bed, trying desperately to sleep, when I had... I don't know if you'd call it a full body spasm or a small seizure, but yeah... there ya go. All of a sudden my body tensed up and shook for I'd say about three seconds.And in the past month I've had countless nights lying in bed where I feel like I'm being drawn and quartered... Like someone is literally trying to rip my legs off ,the pain is that bad.
I did a bad thing in that rather than consulting my doctor, I decided to consult with Dr. Google. I wanted to know what could be causing these stupid spasms, and the increasingly bad pain I've been experiencing. Which is where I learned that a lot of Fibro's symptoms are also MS's symptoms, and generally you don't hear about Fibro patients having constant muscle spasms or any of that jazz. So, now that I had thoroughly scared myself, I finally went to my doctor with my concerns. He really didn't think MS was on the table until I told him about my weakening right hand. That's when he decided to order the MRI to rule it out. I go for xrays tomorrow... well, I guess today... this morning now that it's after midnight. And the MRI is Friday evening. Fun times.
T minus 5 days until Abby's first birthday party! I'm glad I have something good and fun to look forward to this weekend that will take my mind off of waiting for test results.
Oh, by the way, she is walking now. EVERYWHERE.
